Pic spam

I was getting my hair cut and my hairdresser (who was drunk!!!) decided to have some fun with my hair. XD

Titles are for frogs with hairpieces! XD

....well.

I don't even know where to begin, Internet. I don't want to be one of those random bloggers who uses you for comfort and venting of all their insidious "real world" problems and then just leaves you like an unwanted prom date when things start to look up. But I don't know where else to turn. Oh, Internet. Have you ever turned me away or judged me for the way I feel? I'm afraid I have no where else to turn for comfort. Once again I will have to use you to vent my frustrations. I hope you can forgive me.

Romance is not something that I understand easily. I'm just going to put that out there. I love many people, I have been as close to being "in love" as one can get without being certain. I've just never been a person that needs to be in a relationship. I'm probably too shy. I'm probably too accustomed to my current life. I also have a bit of trouble opening myself up to people, especially if I like that person. Anyway, I'm not a robot. I understand the impulse to be together, to love and to be loved. What I don't get is how a person can lose all sense of self and judgment in order to be with someone who makes them cry. I might be wrong, but this unanswered question is for me is an indication that I have not ever experienced "love" yet. For the simple reason that I can't imagine a force other than fear that would cause these reactions in one of the smartest, most creative, beautiful and strong people I know.

Internet, I am rambling. What I am trying to say is this; My sister is in love. My sister is spiraling away from me and anything in this world that could serve to anchor her. My sister is compromising herself in every way to be with a man whom she freely admits is selfish, whiny, uncaring about her, demanding, passive aggressive, resentful, manipulative, and a drug addict. Who owns a gun. Since being with this man, she has gotten fired because of him, physically harmed herself, taken up smoking and drinking, become resentful of everyone else in her life, and contracted a sexually transmitted disease that could cause cervical cancer. The absolute worst aspect of all of this is that nothing seems to affect her or to sink in. She shows no realization of just how much of a wake up call this disease is. She cries all the time. When she isn't crying she is angry. About anything and everything. I don't know how anyone can live like this. To be honest Internet, it is exhausting to deal with. Every other day I am dropping everything to comfort her through some crisis or staying up until 3:00, when I have to be up at 5:00, just to talk through everything with her. I've tried telling her what I think, gently, I've tried just listening and being there for her. I'm supportive but also cautious. Nothing works. It is just an endless cycle of misery and I honestly don't know what it will take for her to end this. She frequently says "I don't know why I love him," yet she cries hysterically at the thought of breaking up.

She has become so vain! She freaks out it she thinks she looks fat, if she can't find something, she's always late because she spends so much time putting on make up and doing her hair. She gets really hateful if she is stressed about her appearance. It is so strange! I don't know what to do anymore.

Sigh. Internet, what would you do?

Manic Friday

Oh drama. Sigh.


Well, for anyone who keeps up with the latest Nana translations things are getting very depressing indeed.

Ren is dead. Nana O. seems to have given up on life. Nana K. feels abandoned by Takumi and only cares about somehow saving Nana O. Reira has seemingly cracked up and is spending time in a mental hospital, unable to accept Ren's death. Nobu's feelings for Hachi are becoming increasingly apparent again and she is inevitably only going to crush him again.

I am very interested to see where this is going. We know Nana O. disappears and that Hachi has her baby and stays married to Takumi, but their marriage seems to be only in writing. Reira seems to possibly never fully recover, the blacktones disband and every one's dreams are scattered and crushed. The way it is going now, it almost seems like Nana O. is dealing with her pain, so I do wonder what sets her off completely. Possibly Hachi becoming a mother and thus losing her that little bit more? Hmmm.

It is getting really interesting! Read it at Onemanga or MangaFox and, of course, thank the translators.

I hate violations of privacy, but I love my sister more.

So, Eileen read my blog. I have it set to private, but the page was saved in my cookies and... well, she clicked and that was that. I don't blame her really. I am often intrigued by random crap that shouldn't intrigue me. So she clicked the name of a random blog in my saved sites... but then she read it, and continued to read it after it became apparent what it was. Hmm. She was very hurt by what I had said in my last post. And chose to tell me she had read it in order to confront me about the paragraph. I had to reread it in order to figure out what she could possibly be talking about, I did not remember writing anything about her on here (it has been pretty boring so far, eh?). So what I found was this;

I am slightly tipsy. I am deeply annoyed that my sister has become a smoker/drinker despite constantly ridiculing my parents for the same thing. I am annoyed that she is dating the second in a series of two gun-toting lunatics with drug problems and delusions of grandeur! I am incredibly pissed that she shows me a burn on her chest from the shell of a bullet from a gun that she fired and the recoil was too much for her delicate frame and acts as though this is normal and funny! I am beginning to think that I am just an angry person. I am unhappy and so I find fault with others happiness. Still, guns? Drugs? Self-obsession? My sister being so uncharacteristically gullible and easily manipulated? No. No thank you. I am, however, powerless to stop this thing from happening. All I can do is be there for her and make sure she has someone to hold onto when she falls.

I say that I am tipsy. Explains why I don't remember it. Then it goes on to talk about 3 major points that I had discussed with her in person, because I was concerned and felt like I'd be a better friend to talk to her about my concerns. In other words, nothing new or shocking written in my tipsy haze. I end the paragraph vowing to be there for her should she need me. Hmm. I can totally see why she was so upset.

Yeah, I am bewildered. Yes, I am feeling a bit betrayed. I was very angry and hurt. Now I am calm and I understand better. Life is simply like this. People goof up and people get hurt.
Anyway, we got into a huge mad fight over everything last night. There were tears and screaming and foot stomping and a re-enactment of the tree-top fight scene in crouching tiger, hidden dragon. Yeah. It was epic. It was so epic, that my dad, for once, chose to stay in his room huddled in fear and wait out the storm, instead of stomping upstairs and joining in the fight.
I held onto my stance that I was being supportive and that I had a few worries that I thought would be best if I shared them. Now, remember. Every single thing I know that is bad about A. (her bf) I learned from HER. She used to come home and make fun of him all the time. My dad takes pain pills for a bad back and a neck injury, but the Tylenol in his medicine is bad for him. A. Offers to cook it out. A. Saddled Eileen with work all the time. A. asked his gf to marry him and then panicked and ditched her at the last minute. A. tries to get Eileen to love him by telling her he can't quit dope without her. A. gives Eileen countless ultimatums. A. owns a gun. Etc.
Now, I was friends with A. when we worked in the same place. He is not dumb and he has a sense of humor. High qualities in my book. Also, he is not a mean guy. He is fairly sweet from what I know. But the guy has many problems. Problems that I'm afraid of. Problems that give me reservations about his dating my sister. Still, Eileen loves him or thinks she does and I know in my head that I can't say anything mean. So I simply remind her of the things she's told me and tell her that I need time to get used to it and that I want her to be careful. I'm not going to lie. I did tell her that there were things about him that bother me. I also made it clear that my opinion wasn't meant to change how she feels and that I would support her either way. That was over a span of time and I thought we were ok. They are going to go out no matter what. I do want her to be happy and she seems to be. But she is also extremely defensive. She treats myself and my dad as though we are the opposition, or at worst, burdens. Last nights fight stemmed from my saying I missed her. She had spent one day in two weeks at home. This angered her and we began to fight and she told me about reading this blog. She said she hates it here and that I am nasty to her when she is here... I honestly don't know what to do to dissuade that point of view. I haven't changed. I think she might be feeling guilty about something and projecting it onto me. If that is the case, I do not know what to do. She is just making everything that much harder on herself. I am so worried and hurt. I am very very tired.

If she reads this again, that is her mistake. If she takes this as my being mean, then I would remind her that I have been honest and forthcoming of my thoughts and feelings and that if she doesn't want to read it, then she should get out of my head. This place is for me to organize my thoughts. And, I thought, to have a little bit of privacy. I have been honest about how I feel, but I would never be so harsh as I am here. This is for me. I will not apologise for it.

I am so pissed off. I am the quintessential perfect daughter. I take care of my dad, cook, clean and volunteer. I am going back to school while doing all of those things. I am utterly respectful and put my parents before my personal happiness. I went to NYC for almost six months in 2006 with my sister. That was the only thing I've done for myself. I got my first job in Manhattan! I got my first apartment in Brooklyn! I was going to get a promotion and a raise before I decided to come home and take care of my dad. I thought I would go back when things became ok, but Instead I watched all of my savings disappear into the mortgage or the property tax or damned bills. I pretty much came to the theory that I could not leave home, despite that I hate it here and all of my friends have moved away or are in NYC. Now, I discover that my mom received a letter to ME from MY friend offering me free room and board in NYC while she goes to school and my mother does not tell me?! WTF? I am so sick of putting other peoples needs before my own. I may have lost an incredible opportunity that would have hurt no one here. Great.

I am slightly tipsy. I am deeply annoyed that my sister has become a smoker/drinker despite constantly ridiculing my parents for the same thing. I am annoyed that she is dating the second in a series of two gun-toting lunatics with drug problems and delusions of grandeur! I am incredibly pissed that she shows me a burn on her chest from the shell of a bullet from a gun that she fired and the recoil was too much for her delicate frame and acts as though this is normal and funny! I am beginning to think that I am just an angry person. I am unhappy and so I find fault with others happiness. Still, guns? Drugs? Self-obsession? My sister being so uncharacteristically gullible and easily manipulated? No. No thank you. I am, however, powerless to stop this thing from happening. All I can do is be there for her and make sure she has someone to hold onto when she falls.

WoW! What a lovely day.

Ok. Did that even count as a pun? No? Good. >_<

So yesterday I got a wild hair and cooked dinner, even though it was just me and my dad home. And he hates anything I make usually. Anything that is green or, you know, healthy. I made oven fried chicken (I know that is not particularly healthy, but it was a compromise), kale with garlic, and roasted sweet potato bites. I guess you could call that typically southern fair, but maybe a tiny bit healthier. Usually I'm cooking healthy stuff or easy curries and fish dealies. But sometimes I like to make comfort food. @^_^@


So I know a lot of people who are avid WoWers. Like, a LOT. Individually they have all been trying to get me to join up for a long time now. For some reason I kept poo-pooing it and figured that the trend would blow over like maple story did. It has not. The thing is, I love RPGs! I'm a kick ass mage and always had a high level as fighters. I love love love fantasy, magic and pillaging! So it seems like a natural fit for me to get into WoW. I guess I'm just stubborn though. I kept figuring that it would suck up too much of my time (ah yes ,the moral high ground Erin, well played >:} ), time that I suppose would be better spent reading manga or playing the sims (good god). Finally, when I was interestded in joining up I figured that most of my friends were too advanced and we wouldn't get to play together. :{ So now I'm having extreme WoW envy. Haha. I actually just downloaded the demo the other day. Maybe I'll get into it and level up as fast as I can to join these guys.

Well anyway, I must go now.

My father keeps coming up to me with ideas for making money fast. His latest is to put adds in upper class periodicals advertising vacations with ivy league academics. You want your kid to learn something on vacation? Book a trip to Rome and while you're at it add an ivy league professor to your trip (for a nominal fee of course). The idea is that the family would be going on vacation anyway, and would pay us to find a certified ivy league (or another college prof) professor to tag along and teach the kid about the place they are in and the history. We would scout the prof and cut them the money to go with the family, so the prof would get a free vacation in exchange for site seeing with the kid. Then we would pocket a small fee for finding said prof. Elaborate, eh?

My idea is that he should buckle down and write a brief memoir ala david sedaris. My dad has had a truly bizarre life, why not profit from it a little? He could illustrate it too. In any case, I seem to have wound up in the position of ghost writing his memoir. What do you do when you have no life? Write about someone elses of course! Haha.


Ughh. I signed up for summer classes at the local community college. I would rather just jump straight into the local unversity, but it turns out that I let my gpa suffer a bit when I, uh, ran off to nyc before the end of the semester. >_< It was worth it though. I'd give anything to be back in nyc, but while I am stuck here I am at least going to finish up my degree. Classes start on june 10th. Woo. In addition, I will still be working and volunteering.

I wonder

What do you do when your life begins to break down? Do you;

a). Try to figure out the problems and put together a plan to repair it

b). Curl into a ball and sob helplessly

c). Just ignore it

If we’re going to be honest, and I am (I hope you are too), for me it would be choice c). Which, while we are being honest, will probably eventually lead me to choice b).

The trouble with ignoring your problems is that it almost always makes things much worse, and the more you ignore something the less you want to give in and pay attention to it. For example, if If I were to accidentally severe my thumb and I decided to ignore it (because looking always makes it hurt more) it would naturally become much worse. Eventually, I’d either die from blood loss or some kind of infection. Ignoring your problems can be like ignoring a severed thumb.

I am ignoring my problems and I am suffering some blood loss.